THE KIPPER COUNTRY CODE

https://web.archive.org/web/20080704060145fw_/http://www.spineless.idps.co.uk/ccode.htm

Was a downloadable 'radio' series, in which Sid offers advice to those thinking of moving from town to the country. 

Was available from www.channel4radio.com - simply select 'comedy'.

PROGRAMME 1 - FOOD

(STARTERS, WITHERS & AFTERS)

"Because there's a lot you need to know about country life if you're coming here.  So I've split it up, and in this programme I'll be covering food.  That's always a good idea if you don't want next door's dog getting it.  They've got one of them Yorkshire Terrors.  They've also got a Border Collie, but that's just staying with them temporary."  

PROGRAMME 2 - WHAT TO WEAR

(OVERWEAR, UNDERWEAR, FUMBLING FREE)

"Now let me help you avoid one big mistake straight off.  Proper country people don't wear green wellies and waxed jackets.  Well, not unless you count Farmer Trout - and Widow Hake.  'Cos Farmer Trout do have some green wellies, but they were black when they started.  They're just the ones he wears in the cowshed.  As for Widow Hake's waxed jacket, she had an accident with some candles a while back, and she wastes not, despite the fact that that don't stop her wanting."

PROGRAMME 3 - COUNTRY PURSUITS

(VIEW HALLO, AND TALLY HI-DE-HO)

"I'm sorry to bring up such a controtentious subject, but the fact is that an awful lot of country pursuits actually involve pursuing things.  Traditionally there was fox hunting, hare coursing, fly swatting, mole trapping ...... and they were all considered innocent pastimes until you city people started moving in here.  Well, of course, once you explained things to us we saw the terror of our ways.  The scales fell from our shelves.  And I just can't tell you how grateful we are."

PROGRAMME 4 - COURTING

(THE WIT TO WOO)

"Now in this programme I'll be telling you about courting.  Of course when you move to the country you may be married happily ever after, so you may think you don't need to know nothing about courting.  Well, that's what they all think.  But you'd be surprised how many take it up anyway.  They reckon there's something in the air.  Although the main thing in the air round here these days is the fumes from your blooming barbeques, and pestilence residue."

PROGRAMME 5 - LAW AND ORDER

(CRIMES AND MISTY MINORS)

"In this programme I'll be telling you about law'n' order, which has got nothing to do with hover mowers.  Well, you won't need one of them round here - not when I can rent you a sheep.  It's a poacher's pocket guide for all you towns people thinking of moving to the country, even though you don't have the sense not to pee on an electric fence. "

PROGRAMME 6 - LIVESTOCK

(ABSOLUTE SWINE, AND OTHER RELATIVES)

"This programme is about livestock.  Now I did touch on livestock in a previous one, but that was all about when it becomes deadstock, which is a technical term for food.  There's also chicken stock - but we're getting ahead of ourselves.  Well I am - I can't speak for you.  So, let's go out now and meet the meat, shall we?"

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What they said - postings on the channel4radio website

"I've only listened so far to the first episode, but this has to be one of

the funniest things I've heard in ages! Can't wait till there's more to

download. keep em coming."

"It is Sid at his best, telling tall tales interlaced with snippets of some of

his songs. Sid is a Norfolk legend, he should have a preservation

order on him by the Parish council and should be available on the NHS!

Keep up the good work Sid."

"Just thought I'd write in to say how much I enjoyed

the programme by the all-singing, story-telling folk

music megastar. Listened to it outdoors with a friend

and my how we chuckled."

"Simply superb. Fans of Milton Jones will be at home here."

"Wondrous - the spirit of Stanshall lives on!"

"The latest episode, on what to wear in the country, is pure brilliance. Sid Kipper is an unrivalled genius. Thanks C4 Radio for introducing me to this rural renaissance man."

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